We’re doing a bit of work on the Bishop brand at the moment. It’s an interesting process, involving reflection on who we are, what we stand for and how we want the world to see us. All without losing the stuff that makes us who we are (was that a plug?!)
It’s also turning out to be a rather useful exercise in emotional intelligence.
Turns out I have opinions. Quite a few of them, as it happens. After more than 26 years in the industry, nearly 20 of them building the ‘Bishop’ business, I have some pretty strong feelings about where it should go.
But I find myself surrounded by bright, thoughtful people whose views I genuinely value and, if I want the best out of them, mine can’t be the only voice in the room.
Which is easier said than done!
I caught myself doing it a couple of weeks back when we were discussing how to promote a few new recruitment opportunities and I’d launched enthusiastically into why I thought we should approach it a particular way. Somewhere along the line, I realised I was doing an excellent job of explaining my thinking and a considerably less impressive job of finding out what everyone else thought.
And, as it turned out, there were better ideas in the room. They just hadn’t had much opportunity to get a word in. It’s something I need to be conscious of. When you’re the boss, you don’t have to raise your voice for your opinion to carry more weight. Sometimes just expressing a preference is enough to make everyone else reconsider theirs.
It got me thinking about who gets heard, who gets listened to and how much that matters.
People don’t always need to get their way in order to feel heard, but they do need to be heard if they’re to have any chance of influencing an outcome. Listening isn’t the same as agreeing and good leadership doesn’t need consensus on every decision.
Sometimes you have to make the call.
But there’s a difference between asking for opinions and being genuinely open to them. Most of us can spot it at fifty paces and I’ve been on the receiving end of my fair share of “what do you think?” when I knew a decision had already been made. I’d like to think I’ve never done that to anyone else. But I’d like to think a lot of things.
The flip side is just as true. We often associate good communication with being articulate, persuasive and confident. But it’s also about knowing when to speak, when to listen, when to challenge and when to change our minds.
It takes confidence to put forward a different view, and it also takes humility to accept that someone else’s idea might be better than yours.
It also takes a fairly decent dose of self-awareness to notice when our enthusiasm for our own idea is leaving no oxygen for anyone else’s!
Being heard doesn’t necessarily mean speaking louder. Sometimes it’s about asking a better question, choosing your moment or having the courage to respectfully challenge an idea that’s already gaining momentum.
Equally, when you’re the person with the authority in the room, you need to make sure people don’t have to fight to be heard in the first place.
A few things can help. Actually asking the question before offering your answer. Making space for the quieter voices. And resisting the urge to treat every disagreement as a personal challenge or contest.
Emotional intelligence isn’t about suppressing your personality or opinions so much as understanding the impact they have on other people.
The objective shouldn’t be to win the conversation. It should be to make the conversation worth having.
As for the brand work, I know some of the final decisions will sit with me, but I’m determined the thinking behind them will be richer for the people who’ve shaped it.
So I’m practising keeping my mouth shut occasionally, which, it turns out, allows me to hear where a lot of the good ideas have been hiding.
Early days. No promises. 😉
About the Author
Rob Bishop is the founder and Director of Bishop Associates, a recruitment, executive search and people advisory consultancy rooted in Canterbury and connected nationally.
With more than 30 years’ experience working with people, leaders and organisations, Rob combines sound commercial judgement with genuine human understanding. He writes about recruitment, leadership and the sometimes messy business of working with people, drawing on his experience of helping organisations make better people decisions … and the occasional lesson learned the hard way.